Saturday, December 01, 2007

On the Topic of Mullets

File this one under the Redneck category: mullets. Back in the day, people used to get up in the morning, look in the mirror and say, 'Dang, I look good!" Even when they looked like this:

For a brief moment in time, the mullet was in style. And it was about as cool as this guy's sunglasses. After that brief moment faded, most people went on with their lives. Some people just couldn't give up. Those people who refused to cut off the ape-drape are now classified, at least in my book, as rednecks. I don't think I need to explain any further, except to quote a pro-mullet website's definition of 'Mulletude':

(mu' li' tewd) the attitude that comes with the adornment of the mullet, behaviors can include the following: beating one's spouse, scowling or sneering at those who don't have mullets, engaging in fights on a regular basis (preferably with those who are not part of the mullet brotherhood), stealing, attending monster truck rallies, driving a Chevrolet Camaro (model years 1970-1993) or mini-truck, getting angry at the drop of a hat, speaking in an inappropriately loud voice.

Sounds pretty Redneck to me. And since you asked, here is a brief synopsis of the mullet. Terms used to describe the mullet include 'ape-drape,' 'bi-level,' 'el-camino,' 'neck warmer,' 'mudflap,' and my personal favorite, 'the achey breaky bad mistakey.' It is also referred to as 'business in the front, party in the back.' There are a few subcategories within the mullet genre that are as follows:

Behold, the skullet.

And the fem-mullet.

And the rat tail.

And last but not least, the family mullet.

I actually had a friend who will remain nameless who wanted me to perm his mullet. In 1998. I told him that my parents raised me better than that and that I would have no part
of such foolishness. Seriously.

Now that you have been enlightened about the wonderful qualities of the mullet, don't you feel better? I don't. I have just wasted a lot of time looking up stupid mullet pictures so I could write mindless drivel when I should have been sleeping.

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