Thursday, December 27, 2007

Christmas Festivities Part Two

The Great Chapstick Tradition:

Somewhere back in the day, Jeff started getting me chapstick for my stocking. What began as a simple stocking stuffer has involved into a much anticipated tradition for me. It started simply enough. Jeff got me a tube of regular chapstick. Somewhere along the way, the chapstick tradition has evolved into a quest for the most interesting varieties. Each year, I never know what kind he will find for me. One year, Jeff bought me the B*nnie Bell variety pack. It had flavors like Marshmallow and Bubble Gum. I threw a tube in my purse and put it on at work. One of the guys asked me what in the world I had on my lips. Turns out that the marshmallow stuff was actually tinted white. Oops! After that, the flavors got even more exotic: Dr. P*pper, H0t Tamale, Green Apple (the best), watermelon, Re*ses Peanut Butter and more. This year, Jeff outdid himself. He found Pink Lemonade, watermelon with sparkles, Lavendar, Green Tea, Ylang-Ylang, and clear gloss with star shaped glitter. Oh, and flavored C@rmex. I should open a chapstick hall 'o fame. At least I know I will not run out before next year, and if Tina Turner ever goes on tour again, I can slap on some of my star-glittered gloss and go to her concert!

The Nasty Nasal Irrigation Device

How can I forget this? As usual, Mom wrapped our gifts ever so nicely in our own coordinating wrapping paper and tied them into big piles with beautiful bows. They just all looked so nice and inviting! As I opened one of the gifts, I got kind of excited because it appeared that it was something from a pottery shop. I couldn't think of what it might be, and opened the box to find something like this:

Unfortunately, after rubbing it, no magic genie appeared to grant me three wishes. Actually, I quickly realized that this barbaric contraption was none other than a Neti pot. Eeew! This is what it is for:

Disgusting, huh? My dad actually uses one of these. Why, Dad, why??? Aren't there easier ways of accomplishing this? Apparently my parents acquired a second Neti pot, and couldn't find anything more fitting to do with it than to pass it on to me. Thanks for thinking of me, parents. I feel touched. I hope you feel touched to know that it will show up AGAIN. And again. It'll join the ranks of rastafarian Jesus and the prehistoric muffin. Maybe it would look cute with a delicate little flower arrangement in it? Better watch your house for signs of the Neti.

No comments: