Sunday, February 20, 2011

Kids Commentary Archives, Part 2

T: Oh, no you diiiiidn't!

T: I'm gonna mess Daddy up.

J: I'm going to Hawagee, Mom! (Hawaii)

Hugs for fugs! (instead of 'hugs for thugs'...which she got from Jeff)

Has anybody seen the weemote?

I can't go to VBS next year, because I'm gonna be too tired.

Your mom fell off the turnip truck, Kip!

Yippy Kippy!!

Me: I gotta go put the chickens to bed.
T: They gotta go to bed?
Me: Yeah, they go in the coop.
T: So the kunk don't get dem?

K: Mom, what's the sun made out of? Is it just a big paper ball, and God puts the fire in it every morning and puts the fire out every night?

Me: Katie, where did you come up with the idea for your drawing?
K: Well, I had a dream about it, and when I got up I got it out of my mind.

K: Tyler, did you know that there is a lot of little holes in your head that the hair comes out of?

T: (to me) I fweeked you out. That was funny. Ha, ha, ha!

K: Mom, will you sew my hippy-potomus back together?

T: That was cwazy!

K: Sometimes I get the bunchies, and I have to pull it out and untwist it. (she means a wedgie)

T: (to the chickens) That not a good idea getting in Mommy's compost pile.

K: I want a piece of toast, not toasted.

K: Ah, they're passing out kids! (when we arrived at James' school)

K: I was going to take you to the Tower of Babylaunch, but I looked it up, and its closed because the towers are tipping over.

T: I want a marshroom! (marshmallow)

K: (getting up from her chair) Oh, my achin' wagon! I'm gettin' old.

J: I'm curled up in your lap like a cinnamon roll.

T: I burned my teeth!

T: I'm not sure how I feel about that.

T: That hurt my feeling.

T: I need hanitizer.

T: Popcones! Popcones! (pinecones)

T: Oh, no! I stepped on my foot!

T: Cut my finger off! (He meant fingernails)

K: I can't find one anywhere, so I think I'm going to look on Amazon.

K: On my last birthday, Mom.... (she meant her next b-day)
J: Katie, your next birthday isn't your last birthday! You keep on having birthdays forever, until you run out of birthdays and you die.

T: Oh, no you diiiiidn't!

T: I'm gonna mess Daddy up.

J: I'm going to Hawagee, Mom! (Hawaii)

Hugs for fugs! (instead of 'hugs for thugs'...which she got from Jeff)

Has anybody seen the weemote?

I can't go to VBS next year, because I'm gonna be too tired.

Your mom fell off the turnip truck, Kip!

Yippy Kippy!!

James: This is over-flued.
Me: Its overflowed.
James: Ha! You gotta go write that one on the blog.
(He must have finally realized that I write the funny stuff they say on the blog :)

That's more funner than Uncle Phil doing the booty dance!

James: Mom, can you get arrested for not going to college?
Me: No. You can get into trouble if you don't go to regular school, but college is your decision.
James: (thinking) You can just home-college me. I don't want to have to sleep there.

My feet are dancing.

If you want me to put that on recycle, Mom, just let me know, OK?

If that happens again, I am going to fweeek out! (after something fell in her closet while she was in bed last night)

Me: Oh, what's Tyler getting into now?
James: I hope he's not getting into any sharp objects.

Mom, while you were out on your run I got to have snuggle time with Daddy, and he is even comfier than you.

Thanks for reminding me, Mom...I'll keep you around for ten days, or more than a 100 days.

How does the sun get pushed up there?
I think they throwed it up there, but it would take Jesus a lot of practice.

There's a meatball inside my (hard boiled) egg!!! (the yolk)

Hey, Mama, I always like you.

(explaining something to me) Let's break it down.....

You're going to break off one of my bones. (to James when he was roughhousing)

(praying) Help Mom to live, she's getting old.

If you won't buy me a rooster, then you need to buy me an alarm clock.

I don't want any of that stuuuuuu......(thinking better of himself)
Me: Say something NICE.
I don't want any of that disgusting stuff. ( disgusting that much nicer than stupid?!)

Hey, Mom, they hadn't have teenagers back in the old days. They hadn't been discovered yet.

That's my best friend Tyler, that I want to keep. I don't want to sell him.

You have stupendous armpits!

I wish I was a chicken....that someone didn't kill.
Me: Why?
Because I like to play in cages.

What are we having?
Me: Frog legs and mustard.
GROSS!!! I don't like mustard!

I love you all the way up to the stars and all the way up to God's head.

(Describing the colors of the sunset) There's orange, and indigo, and violent.

My babies are in time-out. They were asking me over and over and over and over again. And I'm the mommy.

Daddy, when you do that really loud it doesn't even scare my ears!

Why would they do such a dreadful thing?

James: I don't even have to pack for my sleepover. I already did while I was thinking about it.
Me: Now you have to wait to be invited.
James: Yeah, that's the painful part.

That was so good I couldn't resist!

I love you so much-er than anything else I have.

I'm tired of pooping. I don't like wiping my butt.

I'd like to take a break from church...and from brushing my teeth.

Mom, what does 'bravo' mean?
Me: Well, its kind of like saying 'good job.'
Bravo!! Mommy, tell me good job for saying 'bravo!'

Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Me: Frequency who?
Frequency barnacle!!! (followed by hysterical laughter...don't worry, I don't get the joke either)

It's like I'm playin' cards with my brothers kids! (quoting Jeff, who quotes the movie Tombstone)

Mommy, how far is Colorado? I love you even more than that!
I love you more than Mexico and Florida!

Why do you have cobbler webs in your room?

Mom, Tyler thinks he's something else.

I want to take care of my babies. I want to be a great big mama like you.

Mommy, will you put your arm around me. I am cold.

What does debris mean?

That is cute as a whistle!

You are looking very robusted!

Fart is an a-poop-riate word, Mom. (This kid is waaaaay too clever for his own good.)

This is going to inquire a lot of stuff. (Require)

She squeals like a pig that's getting killed. (describing Katie getting her hair combed)

What do you think I am, a spring chicken???

Me: (praying) Thank you for all that we have to enjoy.
James: You can say that again!

Mommy is more civilized than us. That's why she tells us how to eat, and not to hit, and to have manners.

James: Mom, you need to talk to Katie. She hit me.
Me: Well, did you antagonize her??
James: No. (long pause) I didn't do anything. I just wanted her to walk out on my trap and fall to test it out.
Me: Why don't you test it out yourself?
James: I'm scared to!

What can I entertain myself with?

I can't find my light-up shoes!!! They are stashed away somewhere.

I love you so much Mommy. I think about you all the time and I dream of you at night. I don't want to come attached to you. I love you.

When is this stinkin' snow gonna melt??? And how long til yard sales?

I want you to buy me some jealous shoes. (jelly shoes)

You don't have a sense of humor, Katie.

James: Mom, sin rhymes with umbrella.
Me: Sin rhymes with umbrella?!?!
James: Sort of!

I don't want to look like a freak out in public. (at the thought of wearing his footie pajamas on his bike ride...which, incidentally, he did anyway)

This is gonna be brutal!! (riding his bike up a hill)

If anyone wants a napkin, just holler! (Napkins are Katie's job and she takes it very seriously)
Katie, you are such a napkin fanatic.
Yep, I am a napkin fanatic. You're exactly right!

We're going there when the house runs out of batteries. (translated: when the power goes out)

I'm big and strong, mighty as a man!!

I don't like cheese sticks because they are too cheesy.

Can I interest you in some crackers?

Let's have a tea party. I have all the materials.

I don't have testicles, I have ankles.

You will be so aprised!! (surprised)

I want to eat all of the chocolates without getting into trouble.

I was thinking we could snuggle with each-udder.

The problem is, Mom.....

That's what it says. It says 'weed my wips!!!'

Tuck me in as a sandwich, not as a burrito.

(The hair clippers) are nibbling into my skin.

I'm folding up my sweater to protect me from the raindrops that are falling on me. (She was inside)

I picked Booty and the Beast. That's all.

I am all out of buzzards. I have no more.

Me: James, what did the wise men bring to baby Jesus?
James: Gold and pheasants and perfume. (pheasants = frankincense)

Daddy, for halloween I am going to dress you up as a glue stick, and Tyler's gonna be a rhubarb plant.

Katie, when you grow up your beepers will turn into boobs.

You're brilliant, Mom!!!

Katie is so outrageous.

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no arms.

There's this really expensive toy I want to buy. Its at the Dollar Store.

My weft patella is hair-ting. My bones need a drink.

(to Katie): Do you ever run out of questions?

My right eye is hurting me. Mommy, which one is my right eye?

I'm more experienced than you. (to Katie)

Your father is a menace! (to Tyler, in the mall....much to the amusement of other shoppers)

(pointing to the 'eye' on the wing of a moth): That's there to keep away the creditors. It scares them away. (Of course she has no idea how funny that is, because she means predators! :)

(looking a the sunset, with a few jet trails in the sky): The sky is all scraped up.

Those trees are bald. They have no leaves on them.

We can't use these (Post-its) anymore because they are only for special vacations.

Hawk outside! Hawk outside! Hawk outside! (as he runs to the far, he has not been accurate)

Dear God, help us to get a fish soon, and a dog, or I'm gonna go postal.

(in the dressing room with me, chattering NONSTOP, she turns to me and says...) Hey, you look familiar!
Me: That's because I'm your mother!
(then more chatter) What are those lines on your stomach?

(scoping out my 50 pound bag of oats): Hey, Mom, we're rich in oatmeal!

Mom, don't look! I don't want you to get scared. (whenever we walk by creepy Halloween decorations)

Uh, Mom...(handing me a metal towel rod)...this was in the hands of the mini-beast. (aka Tyler)

BOO!! (Screams) I'm trying to scare myself.

(As I was waking up this morning, I rolled over to see Tyler hovering over me preparing to stick his chubby little troll finger up my nose): I pick-eeee your nose, Mom!!

I was trying not to punch her. I just stuck my hand out like this (fist) and she ran into it!

I dressed up as a vegetarian princess!

She (Auntie Rachel) loves us a whole entire bunch, all the way up to God!

(holding up Katie's craft): How was this thing manufactured? 

Oh, dear!

Scoop me up, Mom!

I'm flying, Mom (that one sent a chill down my spine...but fortunately he didn't injure himself)

Ugh. I'm getting old!

Look at this, James. You're gonna crack your head up! (crack up)

I just fwinged a bean at James. (flinged)

Do 'gin, do 'gin, Mom! Peeky Boon! (Do it again...peekaboo)

Heeeeeeehaw! (riding on a cardboard box like a horse)

I'm going to make a smoovie! I got these green walnuts at the green belt and I'm gonna put strawberries too. And I will crack an egg in there, and pineapple.

I think we should hang up a Crisco Ball.

School was so much fun I almost didn't think about you at all!

Me: This birthday card is from Nana and Papa. They are Daddy's grandparents, but you have never met them.
James: Oh. Are the still alive?
Katie (to James): How would they send the card???

**Tyler now has his own color!**

Shhhhhhhhh! Sleeping. (to the nearly dead worm he has been carrying around for the last half hour)

Who wants to watch me make this helicopter seed go helicopting?

Me: James, do you want to bring in a special snack for your class? (for his birthday)
James: Hey, I got an idea. You can make everyone little cups of your homemade oatmeal, with peanut butter and brown sugar. That would be really good!
Me: James, oatmeal is normally breakfast food. I'm not sure the kids would like that.
James: Well, if they didn't then they could give theirs back to me as a present.

(pretending to be talking on the phone in her 'grownup voice'): Hi, um, I'm taking to you but I'm pretty sure you're in jail right now, so uh, hang on....OK, I'm back...Tyler, I'm on the phone, be quiet! want you to know my mom is in jail.

That was a great performance, Mom! (as I picked Tyler up off the bunk bed by his belt loop)

I'll take twenty hundred bucks, Alex! (Quoting me, quoting Jeopardy) 

Me: Katie, you are so precious.
Katie: Mom, I could just eat you up! First I would take out the bones and the blood and the water.

(regarding the raccoons we saw camping): You could put one of those things in your sewing machine and make James a hat!

You're being a fast poke and I need to catch up.

James: Hey, Tyler, you wanna help me clean up my room?
Tyler: NO!!!
James: Don't jump to conclusions, Tyler, you LOVE to clean rooms!

I want to set up the tent, Mom. Put that on my list, my list of things I want to do.

(watching Jeff stretch after his run, trying to touch his toes): Daddy, you're gonna need longer arms if you're gonna touch your toes.

K: I love my brothers. I love James.
J: You know, there's a verse in the Bible that says to Love Your Enemies.

I want a pancake with poodles and poodles and poodles and poodles of maple syrup.

My ducky won't float the right way. Maybe it wasn't manufactured for those purposes.

(seeing that I made granola): All my dreams have come true!

I'm gonna give you your fair share, and Tyler his fair share, and me my fair share, and Daddy his fair share, and James his fair share. OK?

Jeff: Do you know what's going to happen to me tomorrow?
James: Yeah, you're going to turn 30, but Mom already beat you because she's already 31!

You just wait! If you don't stop I'm going to jump on your like a spider monkey!!

I get nuggies all the time. Chicken nuggies. (she meant wedgies)

I love eating bladder. It tastes so good.
Me: That's batter, not bladder!

I'm taking matters into my own hands!

James, you're a democrat!!! (in a way that meant she was trying to be mean)
Mom, what's a democrat?

Me: Did you just kick Tyler?
James: No, I just used my foot as a lever to get him off of me.

James, you look so cweepy!

I have a rememory of that.

Come on, Tyler, I am going to entertain you. I have lots of fun stuff for you out in the living room. (trying to distract him from James' lincoln logs)

Look at my spectacular hat! (she had a bucket on her head)

Mom, I was giving Tyler a 'sponsibility.

I gave this to Tyler, because Tyler has been bagging me and bagging me. (this is her new favorite line; bagging=begging) 

I couldn't have done it without myself.

Mom, don't look! Close your eyes, and close the eyes in the back of your head too.

James: I'm so glad I have you. (in a very sweet voice)
Me: (about to burst from the sweetness)
James: You're just like a can opener. (then he reaches up and hugs and kisses me, and crawls into bed)
Me: (What in the world is that supposed to mean???) 

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