Sunday, October 14, 2007

Welcome to the 'Burbs

Anywhere people live in close proximity to each other, weird things are bound to happen. Actually weird things happen everywhere. There are just neighbors here to notice them. So, that leads me to give you the low-down on the strange things that happen in our 'hood. I would like to state up front that I do not sit at my window with binoculars. I don't even own binoculars. BUT, being home all day and taking daily walks provides me with a sufficient amount of neighborhood drama. So, in no particular order, here are a few things that have made me scratch my head lately.
I like to take the kiddies out for a walk almost everyday. This week we saw two grown men acting like complete idiots! Our neighborhood has a greenbelt running along side of it. Its basically a narrow strip of woods and a small creek flanked by a strip of grass. Our token 'open space.' So, there were two guys standing there on the grass of the greenbelt. At first I thought they may be fishing. (You never know what you may catch in there: sunnies, bluegill, a shopping cart maybe) But upon closer inspection, I realized that they were wielding golf clubs and the bucket was full of golf balls. I wondered if they were trying to hit the balls into the creek. Sounds pointless, but what else would they be doing? Well, turns out that they were whizzing golf balls into the woods across the creek. One after the other, they were sending these golf balls at rocket speed into the woods. Whats wrong with that, you wonder? Well, the woods are the local hangout for neighborhood kids. They explore, play, ride bikes and probably do lots of nefarious things back there. In fact, the woods were alive with the sound of kids, even as the idiots sent projectiles rocketing their way. I don't exactly know what they were thinking, but I sure hope no one was hurt. As if to prove their intelligence, as I was walking past, one of the men crouched down to get another ball and saluted us with a horrifying two-bun salute. Yikes! I need therapy!
Last week we saw a man scouring the greenbelt near the baseball field with a metal detector. I've seen this guy before. He goes all along the greenbelt waving his magic wand around looking for.......what?!? Seriously, does he think he's going to find something fabulous? He might, but there's a better chance that all he'll turn up are a few nickels and someone's lost half of a 'Best Friends' necklace. I can't see how its worth his time to poke around our neighborhood looking for someone's discarded treasures. Hmmmmm...maybe its a cover-up operation for something more interesting. I'll have to develop a conspiracy theory about that one.
While I am in therapy for seeing some stranger's hind end, I think I will mention my neighbor's bird. Its enough to make me crazy. Our neighbors are the kind of people who collect pets. They have a menagerie of birds, dogs and cats. Their newest addition to the aviary has the loudest and most hideous bird noise I have ever heard. It sounds somewhat like an air horn and can be heard inside our house, with the windows closed! And the offending bird is across the street inside its own house! It reminds me of the dog with the mutant bark/wail that used to live next door to my grandparents. Is there some kind of obscure sound ordinance that prohibits the owning of loud obnoxious birds? I'll have to check into that!
In case this sounds like the neighborhood of your dreams, there are several houses for sale on our street! Seriously, its a nice neighborhood, but even nice neighborhoods have their weirdos. Hopefully I'm not one of them.

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