Sunday, November 25, 2007

The Creamed Corn Bandito Strikes Again!

Eggs make a distinctive sound as they thud against the side of a house. It was this squishy sound we heard as we sat in our living room last night. Those sounds were immediately followed by the sound of our collective blood pressure going through the roof! The egg-hurling assailant had the nerve to egg our house a second time, when it was obvious we were home. During the course of a thorough investigation, which took about 3 seconds, we determined that the only possible place for the eggs to be thrown from was, alas, the neighbor’s backyard. Jeff immediately went to pay a little visit. The subject in question was kind enough to answer the door and deny everything. Jeff gave him several chances to come clean, but he maintained his innocence. Jeff told him that if he didn’t do it then someone had been in his backyard, and that he was going to call the cops. Since the kid was sure he didn’t do it, we called the cops. After another brief investigation, the cop determined that it was, indeed, the neighbor kid. He went over and talked to him. The kid denied any part of it. Anyway, the officer quickly tracked down the mother and gave her the scoop. She called her son, who grudgingly admitted to throwing ‘only two eggs.’ (Mysteriously, someone else must have had the same idea at the same time, because there were at least four fresh eggs dripping down our siding.) He did mention to her that he had eaten five eggs. Sounds very likely. Anyway, the Corn Bandit was caught. Now for his trespasses he will have to stand before a jury of retired police officers and the community, who will sentence him to community service and probation. This morning at 7:30 there was a knock on our door. There was the kid, in his pajamas in the freezing cold, with his mom. She was very apologetic. She hauled him over to apologize. She found out about the corn and the previous egg-ings, which made her even more angry. She was yelling at him, apologizing to us, trying to get him to confess, apologizing some more. It was quite dramatic for being 7:30 in the morning. We told the kid, who is 14, about Jeff’s brother and how stupid crimes that seem like fun can get you locked up for a long time. We told them we had no hard feelings against them, we just wanted it to stop. His mom assured us that it shouldn’t happen again. She made him come back over and scrub everything up. Its cold and breezy, and there he was scrubbing eggs and cream of corn off our house. James kept pointing out the window saying ‘guy, guy.’ Yeah, James, that’s a guy who’s probably wondering why he ever thought throwing eggs was fun.
Here is the bandit at work: scrubbing up his mess! (PS. Photo compliments of Jeff, who insisted I post it!)


pianoguyonstage said...

You know...I think the kid is innocent!!! We all know certain objects like to flock together. The eggs go searching for things that look like themselves. Jeff's big old bald round egg-shaped head fits the bill perfectly. So the eggs flew to see their counterpart and hit the window. The corn is Jeff's brain. The corn obviously went searching for that mush in his head. This is obviously not a kid crime but a crime of identity!!!

mcwiggins said...

Yay for tough love. Book em', Danno.