Kids Commentary Archive 3

J: What is parannoying?

Me: Paranoid? That means you are really worried about something.

J: Oh, I just call you parannoying to mean you are double annoying. (giggle)

J: Stay with me for more senses of humor.

Me: No, James, I don't want a wet willy. (at which point he wiped his finger off on his footies)

J (pointing at my ear again): How 'bout a dry willy?

K: (whispering as I tucked her into bed) This is going to sound really scandalous, but I love you more than underpants.

T: Will you snuggle with me? I'm not a fan of sleeping with nobody.

T: I can't eat my egg. It has egg flobber coming out of it. (apparently he doesn't like runny eggs)

Me: (singing to her) Sugar pie, honey bunch! You know that I love you! I can't help myself!

K: Oh, no! This is going too far! (shaking her finger at me)

T: Mom, this ornament is made out of ear wax!!

Me: Uh, no, that's BEESwax!

T: Now we're cookin' with peanut oil!

T: Grammy is not old. She is just a little rumbly. (wrinkly)

T: I falled in love with you Mom!

T: I want you, because you're toft and nuggly and I want to stay with you forever.

T: I go-ed poop and now my butt is tired.

Me: Tyler, did you know you are a gift from God. He sent you to us.

T: No, Jesus didn't send me. I came from Mexico.

J: I need a kids' Bible. I can't understand the ones at church. I can't stand Holly Bibles!

J: (in his END OF THE WORLD!! voice after his dominoes crashed) I've been working on this for minutes!!!!

J: I'm going to get that rabbit.

T: If you die my bunny friend, I'm not going to tolerate you!

T: Marshmallows are made from clouds.

T: I don't like it when they sing happy birthday to me (Cheyney-style). It's loud and it scares my ears. They need to calm down.

J: Katie, did you know this is a 50 caliber rifle? It can take out a buffalo. (his homemade toy gun)

T: Mom, I don't eat cannibals.

Me: What?!

T: I don't eat cannibals. They are gross and have icky stuff on them and they are dirty.

Me: (scratching head) You mean 'cantaloupe'?

T: Yeah, that.

T: (seeing a dead bee) If I could crack that bee open I could get honey out of it.

K: Hey, we should name one of our chicks "Martha Stewart"

Me: Why?

K: Because when she dies we can make STEW out of her!

T: Mom, I'm thirsty and I'm poopy.

Me: What? You're poopy!

T: Yeah, I'm poopy.

Me: Oh, do you mean poopy like tired or poop in your pants???

T: Like tired.

Me: Phew!!

T: Bacon powder?!?!

Me: No, baking powder!

K: Moms are like giant milk bottles.

Me: Why?

K: Because babies have to drink their milk out of their mom's boobs.

Me: Are these too small for you?

T: No, but when they get a little bit littler I will give them away.

K: Who painted those pink zebra stripes on you? (stretch marks)

Me: YOU! :)

T: Katie always mokes me. ('smokes' him...when they race)

K: I'm glad I don't live in my heart. It's all squishy and lumpy.

T: I didn't dream of robots last night. I dreamed of Lightening Queen, Thomas, houses, food, and Je-hus.

T: Someday you need to give me a map to South Dakota so I can go there on my shiny new bike.

T: I was checking on my baby doll and I heard your sound, coming to (check on) me.

T: Are you finking what I'm finking??

T: I'm building a dungeon.

T: Are you fettening me?! (threatening me)

T: (brushing my hair, which he loves to do for some reason) Mom, you're looking like Tinderewa!

T: I need to go poop, because I haven't gone in years.

T (telling us his memory verse): Be quick to li-hen, foe to peek, and foe to become an-gee, Tyler 1:19 (He thinks that when we say 'James 1:19 that he can substitute his own name)

K: I hate having stink eye Mom! (pink eye)

Me: It's New Years!

Katie: I'll wear my crazy glasses.

Me: I can wear mine too.

Tyler: (as if just thinking about the best way he can contribute to the party) Hey! And I can shake my booty!

K: Look at that tiny little car! It looks like someone shrunk it in the oven.

K: When we were at Katie A's house, all the kids were looking for salamanders and worms. They were freaking out about touching them, and I was like "Stand back everyone!" and I picked it up for them. (The apple did NOT fall very far from the tree on that one. :)

T: (after a giant praying mantis pinched him) He a bad boy!

Me: Does he need a time out?

T: Yeah, he need a time out!

T: Mom, don't eh-her, eh-her, eh-her go to Forida again!

K: I'm an Amish girl and this is my Amish scooter.

T: And I an Amish racecar!

T: I still a tiny little boy but I getting bigger.

T: You're nuggly, like a blankie.

T: (after just waking up) I want bacon. I mell it. (Can't pull one over on that kid. He sure did smell bacon.)

A Kindergartener on the school bus asked James today: Why are your teeth falling apart?

T: Dear God, help James not to be 'fraid and not to be 'caired at 'chool. Help all the butterflies to get out of him like this: (blows into the air). Amen.

K: It tastes like cotton candy, but without the sugar.

Me: So it tastes like....air?

T: Mommy bought us rotten candy!

Jeff: It's like eating a sweater.

T: This water bottle is melly. We need to wash it to get the tink out.

K: What part of the chicken are we eating?

Me: The breast.

K: Uh, we're eating the chicken's breast and touching it? That's weird.

T: I givin' you the tink eye, Mama. (the stink eye)

T: A little tiny noise came out of my butt.

J: Mom, my (bicycle) bell will never run out of sound!

T: Dad, we found a dead fish! (in the creek) And he gut were coming out and it was floating in the water like a hot air balloon high up in the sky.

J: I was thinking about someday how we might be famous.

Me: Oh, yeah?

J: Yeah, someday we might be famous because of your cooking.

K: I made you this drawing. It's a sour gummy worm and a cat's belly.

K: (after seeing a township car with lights on top drive past) Mom, someone's going to jail. I just saw a cop car and there were prisoners in the back.

K: (watching a 'snake' firework) It looks like the ground is pooping.

T: I like that. It nummy. It is good for my body.

Me: You guys are driving me nuts!!!

Tyler: Why are we driving you nut, Mommy? (he can't say the S sound)

K: You did that last time you were in a bar fight.

Me: (Where did she learn that???)

James: Hey, that's from Myth Busters!

Tyler: (eating plain flour while I was making cookies) I like this because it's nummy for my body.

Me: I gotta go put the chickens to bed.

T: They gotta go to bed?

Me: Yeah, they go in the coop.

T: So the kunk don't get dem?

K: Mom, what's the sun made out of? Is it just a big paper ball, and God puts the fire in it every morning and puts the fire out every night?

Me: Katie, where did you come up with the idea for your drawing?

K: Well, I had a dream about it, and when I got up I got it out of my mind.

K: Tyler, did you know that there is a lot of little holes in your head that the hair comes out of?

T: (to me) I fweeked you out. That was funny. Ha, ha, ha!

K: Mom, will you sew my hippy-potomus back together?

T: That was cwazy!

K: Sometimes I get the bunchies, and I have to pull it out and untwist it. (she means a wedgie)

T: (to the chickens) That not a good idea getting in Mommy's compost pile.

K: I want a piece of toast, not toasted.

K: Ah, they're passing out kids! (when we arrived at James' school)

K: I was going to take you to the Tower of Babylaunch, but I looked it up, and its closed because the towers are tipping over.

T: I want a marshroom! (marshmallow)

K: (getting up from her chair) Oh, my achin' wagon! I'm gettin' old.

J: I'm curled up in your lap like a cinnamon roll.

T: I burned my teeth!

T: I'm not sure how I feel about that.

T: That hurt my feeling.

T: I need hanitizer.

T: Popcones! Popcones! (pinecones)

T: Oh, no! I stepped on my foot!

T: Cut my finger off! (He meant fingernails)

K: I can't find one anywhere, so I think I'm going to look on Amazon.

K: On my last birthday, Mom.... (she meant her next b-day)

J: Katie, your next birthday isn't your last birthday! You keep on having birthdays forever, until you run out of birthdays and you die.