Thursday, August 21, 2014

Skunk In The Trunk

So the time has come, trusty blog readers, to tell you what happened to me last week. You know how I recently wrote about my stand-off with the skunk? Well...I can't make this stuff up if I tried but what happened last night makes that look like a walk in the park. It also makes me realize that this year is the year of the skunk under ye olde Groundhog Love Shack, aka The Shed. Lovely.

The story begins when I went to lock up the chickens. I usually lock them up after I put the kids to bed and that is when I close the back door. When I went to lock up the chickens, I stepped from the kitchen to the garage and saw a skunk in the garage! Eek! Fortunately it was just as startled as me and meandered out. I can tell you from all my recent experience that skunks are not in a hurry to go anywhere! They just mosey along at their own pace. But I digress. I slammed the door and came back inside to collect myself and call my sister. I knew she would be amused with my latest rodent story. Once I told her about the skunk, I decided to go back and lock up the chickens. We were still on the phone. I opened the garage door and there before me was another skunk! IN my beach bag, no doubt seeking the remnants of whatever beach snacks were still there. I couldn't believe it and probably let out a shriek in Rachel's ear. The skunk scurried for cover, and I got myself together. Rachel and I vacillated between laughing and proclaiming 'How is this happening?' Rachel also kept asking me if I was sure it wasn't a cat. But no! I know what a skunk looks like and it was, indeed, a skunk. To set the stage, although I have been successful at keeping my garage pretty clean lately, I had just pulled out the kids' school clothes bins, there was a pile o' bikes, and our beach stuff all sitting there making perfect hidey holes for the skunk. I knew I couldn't leave the skunk in the garage overnight, and I certainly didn't want it to spray me or the school clothes, or anything in my garage for that matter. I knew that stinker wasn't coming out on its own, so I slowly poked around the garage looking for the furry little beast. If you are thinking this is a crazy strategy, yes! But leaving a skunk to its own devices in my garage would have bee equally crazy. I didn't have much choice. Once or twice as I was moving stuff, I would see the wretched thing dodge under a new spot. It was like playing Marco Polo with a skunk. At some point in this diabolical game of hide and seek, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. A skunk! Somehow the little terrorist had managed to sneak past me and walked only semi-urgently out the back door. What?! How in the world did the thing manage to get past me?!! Glad it was gone, however, I closed the door and went inside. It was hard to believe that there were not one, but two skunks in my garage. But guess what? There was more noise. You have got to be kidding me! At this point in the conversation, Rachel was postulating that our house was on an ancient Indian burial ground, or that a skunk was my spirit animal...haha. We were also discussing the legitimacy of selling ye olde homestead and moving west. By the way: not a legitimate plan at all. As it turns out, I wasn't crazy! (at least not in this regard) The noise I was chasing was indeed a THIRD skunk, and the one that sneaked out the back was not even the skunk I was pursuing. The third skunk turned out to be the shifty-est of them all. It dodged under the air compressor, but when I looked it was gone! I looked here, there, everywhere. Then I thought I saw it hiding near the garage door, and if I could open the door it would run out. Problem: the skunk was by the door I had to open. I moved slowly so as not to startle it, or get tangled up in the avalanche of bikes. The latch flew open with some intensity which made me even more jumpy. All the while, I am still on the phone with Rachel, alternately laughing and hyperventilating. I slowly slid the door up and no skunk. At this point, I have no idea where it is and no idea what to do. I began carrying everything I could into the driveway. After removing everything I could, I was still at a loss. There were only a few places it could be. Well lucky for me, my flashlight had just broken and the garage light only illuminates half the garage. I went back inside, got a lamp and an extension cord, and used it like a torch to peek in all the corners. Still no skunk! I figured the only place it could be was behind the spare doors that are leaning against the wall. I knew I had to check, but also knew that by getting back there I would be very, very near the skunk. In fact, I smelled it. I just wasn't sure if it was general skunk funk, or 'you are two inches from a skunk' smell. I reached back, pulled the doors up and shined my lamp back there. No skunk! I couldn't believe it. At this point I had pretty much moved everything that wasn't nailed down. We determined that the skunk must have slipped out into the night when I was busy looking for it. Exhausted, I hung up the phone, closed the garage up and tried to settle down. It was something ridiculous like 11:45. I finally fell asleep only to be awakened at 12:15 to the sound of crash! Bang! You have got to be kidding me!!! As it turns out, skunk numero tres was still in the garage and had gotten itself wedged behind the game shelf. In a sleep-deprived stupor I carefully removed the games, as I realized that this was the very spot I had stuck my head to look for it earlier. That smell was definitely telling me I was close. After removing the games, it was free to move but in a panic, it ran behind the paint cans. I hadn't moved these because I thought there was no space behind them. Wrong! I was afraid I would get sprayed if I tried to get the paint cans out, and I wasn't even sure it stayed back there. After the last few hours, I realized that skunks rival David Copperfield in their ability to defy logic and disappear into thin air. It could be anywhere and I didn't have the mental wherewithal to deal with it. I propped the garage door open with a brick, wedged a pole in the track so the door couldn't be opened and went to bed. Come morning, it was gone. Although I pulled everything out to be sure. On a positive note, my garage has never been cleaner! You can keep your eye out for my new show on A&E: Turtle Mom. Live action!!

P.S. The title is a misnomer, but humor me. I like puns.  Trunk = Garage

P.P.S. My mom asked me why on earth was I talking to Rachel the whole time when I had three skunks in my garage. Because it was funny, I told her. Dad chuckled, Mom looked at me like I might have fallen off the turnip truck. :)


Phillip and Rachel said...

"Good" times Meg... Baps told me the other day about one of their friends who had a skunk under her porch. She thought loud noises would scare it away and banged away on a frying pan. Mistake. She got sprayed.

Terry and Linda said...

Goodness! I had read the FB post and thought maybe now you really did have a skunk in the trunk!! I would not have been surprised!