Newspapers and Broccoli: Lovely

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Lovely

I have three kids. I am lucky to get a shower in. I am also an organizational failure when it comes to looking at my calendar. I write it all down, then forget to look til the 'event' has already come and gone. Like my nephew's 16th birthday. I know, I'm horrible. Well,this morning I was excited that the planets were aligning in such a way as to allow me a shower. I could hear the clouds parting and angels singing. This was the day. During a brief lag in the murderous threats being thrown back and forth between the older ones, I decided to take a shower. Now, I know I do not get a shower as often as I like, but gee golly, was I ever dirty. Hey, wait, I can't be that dirty. Eeeeeeew! Gross!!!

Note to self: check calendar regularly. You might be able to prevent yourself from taking a shower during the 'semi-annual water main flushing.'

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Kids Commentary!!

T: I wanna make it just like the one Grammy got in Methlehem.

T: James, if you keep practicing your bow and arrow, you can get really good at it and be an Indian when you grow up. Indians are really interesting.

K: (to Chappy) You should enter a contest for Crazy, because you'd probably win.

T: I have two friends who are twins, Wi-wee and Wee-uh. But they aren't attached. Remember we watched a show about that?

T: Uh, Mom...problem! I can't poop because I didn't eat enough food.

J: Don't bring those blankets Mom. I germinated them. (meaning he coughed all over them when he was sick)

T: (after seeing a very short man) I thought he was a kid, but he is not. He is the most medium sized dad I have ever seen.

T: Chocolate is my favorite color. (that's my boy!!!)

K: Mom, come look at my hair! It looks like Justin Beaver!

K: I don't like peaches. The fur gets on my skin and makes me itchy.

T: I almost cried (on the first day of school) but then I didn't hear a peep from my tears. They are right behind my eyes, right Mama?

T: I made a best friend at school!

Me: Great! What's his name?

T: I don't know.

J: This place is like Disney Land for flies. (under the food tent at the Grange Fair)

Me: Look for the inflatable cow.

T: That's debatable, and you need an air compressor to blow it up.

T: I got a hosta leaf for my beetle!

Me: That's actually a morning glory leaf.

K: What'd you expect, an afternoon leaf?

T: I need a boy purse. It needs to have two pockets, one for cash, one for money. That's the idea. Yep!

K: Cash and money are the same thing. The paper stuff, and the metal circles are all money.

T: (sitting on his throne...aka the toilet) Mom, I'm gonna tell you what I want for my birthday, and I hope it doesn't cost too much bucks.

J: (playing the card game 'War' with himself) Hey, so far I'm winning!

Me: You're playing against yourself, of course you're winning.

J: Well, this pile is the one that is winning.

T: (watching Yukon Men) I could catch a wolverine someday when I'm a grown up, right mama? I would just make it a whole bunch of cookies for it, and then a few hours later when it is eating the cookies I would sneak up on it and shoot it.

T: Lefty loosey, tighty righty. I got that from Chappy.

K: Now where are you, Mr. Mushroom? I have an appointment with you! To smush you!

Me: Here are two beautiful egg-in-a-holes, James.

J: Well, they are beautiful but I wouldn't put them down in the record books or anything.

J: Mom, I have pimples.

Me: What? You don't have pimples.

J: See, these!

Me: Those are nipples, not pimples.

K: Auntie Rachel made my belly button.

Me: Why do you say that?

K: Because she put a clothespin on it.

Me: Oh, yeah, she did cut your umbilical cord.

K: Yeah, she really loves me.

T: I can't eat these (banana chips). They're gonna pull my teeth out of my head.

T: My feet are yawning. I need to rest.

Me: You're cute, Squatch!

T: You're cute too, with your big toes, and your big melon.

T: (calling me from his bed) Hey, snuggle-muffin! Come snuggle with me!

J: If I ever dig to the middle of the earth, you need to send me 150 sandwiches. No, I think 200.

K: When I grow up I am going to own a pig. That way I can have fresh bacon every day.