Monday, September 09, 2013

Observations From The Jersey Shore

We spent Saturday afternoon squeezing the last bit of fun out of summer. We went to the beach with friends and had a great time. The weather was perfect and the water was still warm enough to swim in although I think some would argue that! While strolling the beach, I had a chance to make some observations and I shall condense them here for you in a handy dandy guide to the Jersey shore.

The Regulars

  • These are the people who live on the beach. They are apparently harbor deep suspicions toward the use of sunblock, and their skin looks like it has turned into leather. You amuse yourself by wondering what color they actually started out being, because shoot if they're not the same color as a Hereford cow. You may or may not also ponder the usability of their leathery skin for making wallets and such. Which is truly disgusting, but curiosity is a powerful force.
The Low Standards Beach Goers
  • I realize you probably think I am talking about some unfortunate bikini situation, but I will go into that later. Every time I go to the beach, I see a few people here and there who simply plop their stuff down a stone's throw from the boardwalk. They don't bother to be near the water. Apparently they don't want much, just some sand under their toes and an ocean breeze.
The Relaxed Beach Goers
  • These people lay out in the sun and read a book, preferably something light and fluffy and fictional. Occasionally they succumb to the sun's warmth and dip their toes in the ocean. Then they go back to reading their cheesy romance novel or intriguing mystery. They also turn over every now and then, so as to properly baste themselves in sunshine and avoid an unsightly 'I swear I missed work because I was deathly ill' beach tan.
The Harried Beach Goers
  • This would be those who bring small children. Sounds familiar. Beach trips are really not all the relaxing for this crowd, and you will never see them busting out their summer book club selection. Oh, no, they are too busy watching their kids to make sure they don't drown, stash a smelly crab leg (or six) in the camera bag or run off with the circus, all while fending off vulturous seagulls who realize the most food comes from the droppings of those under the age of 5. 

The Bikini Crowd is divided into the following subcategories:

  • The Kosher Bikini Wearer: that is, someone who is actually suited to wear a bikini (this category encompases only a small percentage of the Bikini crowd. I am certainly NOT in this category. Nope, no bikinis for me!)
  • The 10 Pounds of Potatoes in a 5 Pound Bag Bikini Wearer: you know the type. When one's bottom is perilously close to swallowing up the bottoms. When thine cups runneth over. When thou shouldst have bought one 3 sizes up.
  • The 'I Might Be 80 Years Old But I Can Still Rock A Bikini' set: now, if you still weigh the same as you did in college and you are now 78, good for you. But I would venture the guess that the weight ain't distributed like it used to be, nor are the geographical locations of certain parts of the anatomy the same. In other words, you mammaries memories are fading. 
  • The 'I Paid A Lot Of Money For These And I'm Going To Show Them Off' crowd: it is the Jersey shore after all. 
As you can see, I may spend just a wee bit of time people watching. And analyzing. I promise I will post soon actual picture of the beach, with cute children included! And I will post about the first day of school, which has left me feeling a bit unstable. Is my baby girl really in Kindergarten?????


Terry and Linda said...

You had me laughing out loud! Terry and I went to Ouray yesterday for a 'dip' and saw many of the same people there as you see at your shore. The 80 crowd is really the worst, I think.


Belinda Silver said...

I missed you at the farm this week. Did you sign up for this session?